i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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