So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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