those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
