I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
