I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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