i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
