i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
