wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
