i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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