Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
