How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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