my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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