I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
