i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
