Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
