He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
