Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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