Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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