Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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