Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
