dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
