no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
