I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
