i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
