tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
