one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
