I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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