Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
