Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
