i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
