fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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