so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
