Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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