i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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