How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
