I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
