I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
