So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
