i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
