Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
