You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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