Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
