I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
