dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
