Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
