I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
