i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
