every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
