Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
