I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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