currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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