I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
