I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
