Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
