I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
